The end of October, FSA had a regional conference with the theme of 'Touching hearts one life at a time' held in Pennsylvania. Many of you were not able to take the travel. We are very blessed to be able to have Valerie, a birthmom who spoke that night to do a guest post for us reiterating her message she presented. Below is a quick introduction of Valerie. Thanks Valerie!!
Valerie Mechling graduated from Southern Utah University in 2007 with a Bachelor's degree in theatre management, and she still likes to have her fingers in everything. She enjoys listening to the singing talents of a three year-old boy genius who calls her 'Birthmom!' Valerie keeps busy as a birth parent volunteer; she enjoys working with expectant parents through the itsaboutlove.org website, coordinating birth parent volunteers, and serving as a member of the FSA National Board. In her spare time, Valerie teaches taekwondo and looks forward to testing for her second degree black belt next January.
Our message from Valerie:I'm glad to have this chance to share some of my experiences from the Regional Conference in Pennsylvania last month. It was a great honor and privilege to be invited to speak to the members of FSA in the Northeast. On Friday evening we first heard some beautiful music by Tamar & Katrina Pedersen. The first number they performed was called "His Other Mother", written for the birthmother of their son. If you have the opportunity to hear this song, I would encourage you to do so. It was very touching--especially as I was sitting next to my own son's adoptive mother, who was weeping openly. After the musical number, I was invited to give the keynote address. I hope to share the intent of that message with you here.
I was given the scripture 1 Corinthians 2:9-11, which based the theme for the conference. If you don't mind, I'd like to share that scripture with you now:
"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
"But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
"For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God."
Have you ever heard this phrase: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." What this scripture says most clearly to me is that we must be prepared for what God has in store. We never know what He has planned for us! With our mortal eyes, we see potential problems. We tend to tremble, to fear what might go wrong. But we must proceed in FAITH, and follow His guidance--and the guidance of others He puts in our path. Elder F. Michael Watson said this: "Sometimes we may not always be able to immediately find the desired way before us, but the wisdom of those who have gone before, coupled with the wisdom of those who are with us still, will be our guide if we let them have the reins" (Ensign, May 2009, p106).
Heavenly Father knows what is best for each of His precious children. He knows who the parents are for each child. He will guide us to the right places, the right decisions, if we but reach out to Him. President Monson spoke to anyone who is struggling and said, 'Prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer" (Ensign, May 2009, p68). I love our Prophet, and I love this invitation to reach out to our Father with all of our worries and concerns, with all the things that trouble us.
Satan wants to destroy families. We know that our success in this life has so much to do with our families, and for that reason, our Adversary seeks to tear us apart. He HATES adoption! He fights the sealing of eternal families! And we know that in part he does so by tearing apart birth families and adoptive families. He tries to create conflict between us. He tries to ruin our mutual happiness. For this reason, we need UNITY. Again, we can find this by turning to our Father. Elder Russel M. Nelson said: "We too can pray for unity. We can pray to be of one heart and one mind...with our loved ones. We can pray for mutual understanding and respect... If we really care for others, we should pray for them (Ensign, May 2009, p47). We draw strength from one another. Together, we can create and maintain these eternal families we are seeking through adoption.
At this point, I tread lightly. I want to acknowledge the anxieties that adoptive parents have. They are real, they are valid, and they are very common. You want to have your family! But adoption throws so many other things into the mix. Those concerns are valid! I also want you to know that birth parents have similar anxieties. We worry about open adoption. We are concerned about maintaining relationships. We are uncertain how it will all play out.
But I TESTIFY to you that there is a purpose for our connection. The deepest benefit we have through LDS Family Services is that we are lead by inspiration. This organization is headed by the leaders of the Church--by the Prophet, by the Savior Himself. This inspiration led to adoption, and leads us even now in open adoptions. I have seen many lives of adoptive families and birth families and adoptees alike blessed by open adoptions, including my own. We are led by inspired men in these connections that we share. This is the plan Heavenly Father has in store for us.
The most important thing to remember in an adoption relationship is that it is a relationship--like any other. But I would submit to you that it is a relationship worth having!
I teach Taekwondo, and there's a plaque in our studio that says the following: "The road to black belt is not a destination, it is a journey. Enjoy the ride." I find that this quote works just as well for open adoptions. You don't know, in those first stages, what your relationship is going to be like later on. It will change, it will develop, it will wax and wane. But if we work together, strengthen each other, we CAN find success. Adoption had become one of the sweetest blessings in my life, and I can't imagine life without my son and his family.
We don't know what's in store for us. Facing this great unknown, anxiety is natural. But we must proceed with faith! Trust in Heavenly Father. Develop a closeness with the Spirit, our translator of all spiritual things. Trust in each other! Have faith that Heavenly Father connected you--you adoptive parents and you birth parents--for a specific purpose, even if you cannot see what it is. Listen to the Spirit, listen to the words of others who have gone before you. Contribute your thoughts and questions too, but always have an open mind and an open heart. I promise you that open adoption can then become one of the most precious parts of your life, and you will not be able to imagine your life without it.
Valerie Mechling
Birthmother
